


A great night

by toxicscotch



Series: The Common Sinner [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, The Common Sinner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:19:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicscotch/pseuds/toxicscotch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ah, Cronus, welcome to our home, god welcomes you. Please, sit." His hand gestured to the empty seat next to Kankri.</p><p>You tried your best not to make a sound when he greeted you. 'God welcomes you.' Kankri told you stories of how religious he was, but you always took it as a joke. Damn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A great night

You were disgusted, but either way he held it out to you, slightly waving it in circles in front of your nose, a slight smirk on his face in reaction to your gagging reflex. His eyebrows perked up, grin pulled up with them. Your hand swatted the object away from your face, "God damnit Rufio, you know, I don't wanna lick your damn sex toys. Hell knows where that thing has been."

He had made a bet, well, more like you had made a bet that if he could chug the mayonnaise in less than 2 minutes then, you would have to lick his dildo. The offer seemed easy at the time, referring back to the 11th grade when you had taken him to an alcoholic party and he had drank half a beer before toppling over and throwing everything back up along with the Chinese take-out they had ordered a few hours before. So a jar full of mayonnaise would make him vomit in seconds right? Well god damn you were wrong. He had changed in the past year apparently, being able to keep the thick substance down with just a few deep breaths.

Rufio held it back up to your face, wiggling it just mere inches from your nose. "C'mon Cronus, it ain't that bad." His slight Texan accent really picked at your nerves, making your eyebrows tangle together. If it wasn't for the thing inches from your face you would've hit him by now, but you didn't want that thing touching you at all. God damnit Cronus you could be such a wimp, putting aside the fact that you could bench an easy 180 going onto 200. Ooo such a strong man you were huh? That really didn't help the fact that you were so gay up the ass every time you talked the homo would just flow out of you. It wasn't that you had that stereotypical gay voice, you just CAME OFF as gay. Which led people to start believing that you were gay. Getting a Mormon boyfriend in your Sophmore year only proved those rumors right.

"You made a bet. What, is the all mighty Cronus gonna back out on this now hm? It's not like it's the first time you put a cock in your mouth." He gave the latex toy another wiggle, making a flopping sound when it hit your nose, your face changing to an expression of pure disgust.

He was right. Sadly. You took a deep breath this time, taking the fuck toy in your hand. Somehow you knew someday in the future you were going to regret doing this, but you were a little shit and did it anyways just to prove to your roommate that you can keep your word. You thought this was gonna be fast. Just lick it and get everything over with, that ain't what happened was it? See, you had a boyfriend of a year now, Kankri. He graduated best in his class and valedictorian. How did your dumbass who licked dildo's for a passing get with him? Easy. Your cock. He had walked in on this event, the bag he carried fell to the floor as he stopped and shook his breath. Your eyes darted to the door and you pushed Rufio away from you and onto the other side of the couch, dildo slipping from his hand and making an odd thumping sound on the glass coffee table.

"Kankri!" You stood up, closing the distance between you two in a few swift movements. You weren't sure if to laugh at your boyfriends expression or to apologize?

Apologizing probably wasn't the best choice and neither was laughing but like I said, you were a little shit and laughed. His hand came to smack your upper arm before picking up the bag of groceries and closing the door. "I leave you two bafoons for an hour and THIS is what I come home to? A dildo on the coffee table and-- Rufio are you gonna be okay? You look a little pale."

Your roommate looked up at the two of you, eyes going to Kankri before standing up an rushing to the restroom.

"Oh my god Rufio!" Kankri ran after him, leaning on the door, knocking, only to step back once he heard him puke up the last 4 years of his life. "Are you okay? Do you need medicine?"

This made you laugh, clapping your hands together as you picked up the dildo and pointed it at Kankri, wiggling it slightly. "Ah he's fine. He's just 40 bucks short now, the old guy has a weak stomach, I knew it. He hasn't changed a bit! That mayo finally got to him."

Your boyfriend turned around and wacked the toy away from his face. "I cannot leave you two alone for just one second without one of you deciding to do something unbelievably stupid!"

"It ain't as bad as last Christmas."  
See now, what happened last Christmas is what earned December 25th of 2012 the title of "the day Cronus got arrested." Rufio, Kurloz and yourself thought it'd be a great idea to throw piss snowballs at the neighbors windows. Mind you the neighbor was the town sherif. When the sherif had left his car unattended, the boys decided to jolly ranch his car windows. Of course he found out the culprit in a few hours and arrested Cronus— everyone else had hauled ass—for public intoxication, destruction of property and trespassing. That night then earned the title. In fact you were proud of that day, claiming it to be one the best days of your life, which is quite sad if you start thinking about it.

"Let's not talk about that night Cronus," Kankri muttered, "aside from dropping off your groceries, I came to ask you something." He set the bag down on the kitchen counter, cringing when Rufio made more gagging sounds. "My father is making dinner and he wanted to know if you would like to attend."

You perked your eyebrows, lips pursing. "Your DAD? Wants to meet ME? Kankri I don't think he'll like me. I mean, it's not like I'm a bad person, I'm just probably not what he's expecting."

"You'll be fine Cronus."

"Kankri."

"I'm being serious, he's seen.. Worse." Your boyfriend chuckled, making his way over to you and placing his hands on your chest, looking up at you with a soft gaze.  
"Oh gee thanks Kanny, I'm flattered."   
You laugh, wrapping your arms around his waist instinctively.

"No problem Cronus, be there by 7. On the dot."

~~

You looked at your clock, it read 7:03. Smooth one Cronus. Straightening your button up shirt, you raise your hand to knock on the door once, taking in a deep breath before it was opened.

"Kankri, your boyfriend is here!"

For a split second you could swear that Kankri's little brother looked exactly like him, but just a but shorter, you weren't going to say that obviously, knowing your boyfriend he would murder you slowly and you can say it wasn't going to be a sweet death.

"A few minutes late I see, Cronus." Just a few second later Kankri's figure popped up behind his little brother. "Karkat, go set up the dinner table, we'll be there in a few."

"Yeah yeah just don't make any babies." Karkat snorted, closing the door behind Kankri as you both stood outside.

".. Make babies? Doesn't he know that only a girl and--"

"Shh. He's ignorant. Clearly the Vantas smarts didn't rub off on him. It's a shame really." Kankri huffed, rubbing his arms when the breeze passed. "On a more important note, I told you to be here at 7 ON THE DOT. You know how good a first impression is supposed to be, Cronus?"

You rolled your eyes, "Kankri, your dad isn't going to like me anyways, like it really mattered." Parents that you've met in the past relationships you've had really made a bad impression on them; druggie, drunk, dropout, and most of all, punk. When you can happily say you were only two of the ones listed. "Look, this night is going to end badly and every time I'm with you he's just going to say 'Oh your punk boyfriend, don't go out with him he's going to pull you into the sinner's world.'"

Kankri's eyes narrowed, then looked down with a soft sigh. "Cronus, this is important to me. I know you aren't very religious or, well behaved but I love you. Meeting my father is a big deal for him. Regardless if he likes you or not, you're still my boyfriend. He can't change that." His hands placed themselves on your hips, pulling you to him. You didn't know if it was because he was cold or something, but you didn't mind. "Be on your best behavior, honey."

You sighed in defeat, gently grabbing his cold face and placing a sweet kiss on it. "No promises."

"God damnit Cronus!" He growled, smacking your chest before squirming out of your grip. "C'mon, before he thinks we ditched him."

The house was warm, Kankri taking your coat and tossing it on the couch before entering the dining room. You weren't raised in a rich family, so seeing something like this astonished you. The table was laced in white, food sat in the center of it, the lighting above making it look delicious. Was Kankri the son of god or something?

Oh wait. Kind of.

His father sat in the chair on the end, arms crossed as his gaze met yours. "Ah, Cronus, welcome to our home, god welcomes you. Please, sit." His hand gestured to the empty seat next to Kankri.

You tried your best not to make a sound when he greeted you. 'God welcomes you.' Kankri told you stories of how religious he was, but you always took it as a joke. Damn. This was gonna be a fun night.

"Thank you, Reverend." You took your seat, Karkat in front of you rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat with a bored expression. You could tell by his fathers glances towards Kankri, he was still getting used to the fact that Kankri was gay.. And he didn't like it.

Great, just what you needed, another parent thinking you turned their son gay.

"Cronus," he spoke, "god and I would like to thank you for accompanying us this evening. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He threw a crocodile smile.

Kankri's hand was suddenly on your knee, squeezing it. You looked over to your boyfriend before speaking up. "It's an honor to meet you too, thank you for taking me into your home Re--"

"Nah ah ah, gods home." He corrected.

"Yes, gods home." You had to be serious. This was utter bullshit.

"So, Cronus, tell me more about yourself." He picked up his fork, motioning to everyone that it was time to eat.

You cleared your throat a bit, sitting up and picking up your utensil, taking a taste of food before speaking. "I play guitar."

".. Is that all?" He sounded disappointed.

"He's in swimming." Kankri spoke for you, "best in the county." Thank god for your boyfriend.

"Is he? That's nice." His eyes slid from yours to his son's, smiling still.  
You bit the inside of your cheek, "uh yeah, going to region in the spring."  
"Well Cronus, I wish you luck."

~~

Dinner had gone fairly well, you thought. Nothing bad had happened and you didn't screw anything up like the little shit you were. Kankri had excused you two from the table so you could sit on the couch together, at a fairly close distance because 'Jesus will always be there, no matter how close you are'. Your eyes glanced from cross to cross, noticing then that they had no television. "Where's your tv?"

"Dad thinks tv is for the common sinner, so we don't watch it. We have books, if you wanna read."

"Lemme guess, religious books?"

"You betcha."

"No thanks." You snorted, looking over to him for a bit. "And lemme guess, he's watching isn't he?"

"Mhm."

Your grinned, leaning over to your boyfriend to place a kiss on his lips. "Is he gonna kill me?"

His cheeks flared a bright red, his legs crossing as he stuttered. "Cronus, I said be on your best behavior. We aren't at your place, remember?"

This caused you to sigh, running a hand through your hair.

A clear of a throat made you jump, "it's about time for me to head to bed," his fathers voice sounded behind you, making you both turn around. "It was nice meeting you Cronus, I hope you have a nice evening. And remember, god is always watching." He turned tail and made his way up the stairs, closing his bedroom door slowly. 

You cracked, "I thought you were joking when you talked about your dad but c'mon Kankri, this gotta be a joke." Hopefully your boyfriend would say that this whole night was a joke and you two could just go back home and sleep together.

Kankri shook his head, standing up with a chuckle. "Let's just go home."

"Kankri I—"

"Home."

"Kan—"

"I'm tired, you tired?"

You let out a groan. Sometimes you couldn't stand your boyfriend but hey? There wasn't another butthole in the world you would prefer fucking. Your boyfriend sure was gay.


End file.
